C.Y.S.M.F.T.B?

 

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Is this a vision?

No! I am indeed living

So, where is the presence of life?

I shall just head back to dining with death

 

As I wake

I feel sick knowing I have to go to work

My hate towards it grows each day

I seek the provision of satisfaction here

yet it heals me not

 

so again

I am awake dreading to brush my teeth

And take a shower

Knowing I will be dirty any time soon

 

I pick out an outfit

That isn’t the cleanest

But clean enough

To know I fit into

A place I know I should not be

Yet accepted I seem to be

 

I head out

Prepare myself for work

A work I placed myself at

Knowing I can get out

Yet convince myself there is no point

For I have no other place to go to

But then again am I really ready to leave?

 

Entering work to already be dirty

Not even done anything

But walked in I did

And drenched in death I became

Here I am, I stand

Watched and stared

Time to get to work

 

Darkness is here

So turn on the spotlight they did

Here I am unable to see anyone

But bright enough so they can see me

 

Thrown objects towards me

I was told that is their appreciation of me

So I begin my night job

Of stripping off

 

My clothes come off

To see my nakedness

Here I am surrounded

Where sympathy

Or pity is taking upon me

But pleasure over my hurt

 

My scars screams

but they drown it out with their cheers

I dare not tear up for my soul is dying out

Freedom I was offered

Caged up I have become

 

Fine cloth I was offered but

Dirt I sleep in

Thirsty I become

Blood of hate they offered me

 

The very face I have on

Is only but a mask

I am to wear

Such image I have

Yet closed up it has become

 

Escape I dare not do

For there is no exit for me

I shall indeed just stay put

 

Hidden privilege of grace

Clothed in useless garment

Comfortably clothed in emptiness

 

Reached a point to seek death

Yet not achieve it

Live ever so much in pain

Who will save me?

My employers reading my mind

Of me seeking to flee

So I stay ever more silent

 

Bruise I received

I ask again

Who will save me?

 

I am sick daily

My only option

Is only death

Death where are you?

For I am ready

 

I want to believe in one

Who will that one be

How I seek help

Yet death I live in

So if no help seeks me

Death please let me dine with your forever more

 

I have witnessed life

Yet never allowed to live it

So this death I dwell in daily

I will learn to accept it

 

 

Here I am in the stage seeking help

But dwelling in such thoughts

Why do I deserve help?

Eyes sees nothing but darkness

Though I have seen a glimpse of light from others

A light they chase after that seems to give life

Yet they dare not approach me

As they look away from me

I must be hideous for them to not approach me

And allow me to know this light they are after

 

Here’s my sideway smile

To deceive myself

Just so I can continue to be living

Yet I am only dying

 

As you see me under this spot light

Everyday I work under this spotlight

Hoping and silently screaming

Help me! Help me!

For I am sick everyday

 

Here I am tired

Of dwelling in this lonely place

For satisfaction

With this big size void

Who can satisfy my soul?

Who can satisfy my soul?

 

I wish to not walk in this straight line of death

Where is the heart of my father?

I seek to be restored to the innocence of truth

Satisfy my soul

Who shall that be?

 

Can you see me from the back?

WILL THERE BE ANYONE TO HELP ME?!?

by Hakeem Tobi Ajadi

 

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